Crabby Mommy

One of my favorite authors, SARK says in her book, Succulent Wild Woman:
"Being crabby is real and it's healing. It can help us get closer to what's wrong, or what hurts. If you say to a friend, 'I'm just crabby right now.' they can usually tell anyhow, and sometimes it opens up a dialogue. If you say to other women, 'Are you crabby?' they usually love it.... Crabbiness dissolves with the right kind of attention. Of course, there is also overcrabbiness, rampant crabbiness, or what my mother calls 'The Crabby Appletons' (people who are crabby for a living and want to stay that way). Remember to be crabby consciously! Women are great at being crabby and can do much more celebrating about it." 

Today I am crabby... really crabby. I keep asking myself silly questions that contribute to my mood, like: 
Will I ever get a good night's sleep ever again?
Why won't my contact stay in?
Why does Addie always get sick when we're at our busiest?
Can't my jeans just fit? I mean, really... is that too much to ask?
Could my period please get here already?
Why do car seats cost so much?
Why can't I make a living just knitting?

Now I love SARK and I'm all about paying attention to feelings... but I don't feel like celebrating my crabbiness today. I do however, feel like acknowledging it. I am generally pretty good at allowing myself to feel the way I need to feel. I don't have a very good poker face so people usually know if something is up with me. Most definitely this is true to a fault and in this way, sometimes I feel like I have broken a rule of femininity. Aren't I supposed to radiate warmth and healthy energy to everyone around me? Aren't I supposed to be nurturing and put my feelings on the back burner around my family so I can be 100% present for them? Even as a feminist and activist in this work, I have to remind myself that part of my health is recognizing when I am under the weather emotionally and allowing it to just be.

One of the best pieces of advice my mother ever gave me is that sometimes you cry and there really isn't a reason, so don't try and make one up. (This is funny to me because it's in complete contradiction to the age old "If you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about.") Well today I'm not crying, I'm crabbing, but the sentiment still applies. This being said, I believe there is a fine line between allowing crabbiness to exist and dwelling on life's irritants. I can only hope that somehow in finding that line for myself, I can teach Addie that all of her feelings are important and sometimes as a woman, she may not always be able to identify where those emotions come from and that's OK. 
Now it's time for me to take some of Mom's advice and instead of looking to all of my questions above as reasons for my funk, I will wipe them away and say I am crabby today just because I am. Tonight I will give myself the best medicine available: self care. I will pick up some take-out instead of cooking dinner, drink a glass (or two) of wine, snuggle with my hubby and my girl and get some rest. Peace in, peace out. 

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