Kick in the pants

I think it appears fairly evident from my posts the past few days that I have been in a bit of a funk. My attitude has been one of "the glass is half empty" variety and it has finally caught up to me. New Year's resolutions? Bleaugh. There's snow on the ground? Not enough for me. Bleaugh.

I am a firm believer in feeling what you are feeling even when it's yucky; however, yesterday afternoon was the wake-up call I needed to give myself a jolt and snap out of it. We did in fact, end up with some added accumulations and a final total of around 2 1/2 inches of white stuff--not bad for central KY. Addie and I didn't make it outside, but we did have her first cup of hot chocolate together. It was so sweet on many levels and we both enjoyed it immensely.

Then the horror began. After her sugar high wore off she crashed, and in a big way. Daddy had to work late so I was left alone with tantrum after tantrum, meltdown after horrendous meltdown. It was the kind of afternoon/evening where at the end of it I was wondering if I was really cut out to be a mom, let alone one that stays home with her child full time.

When Curt walked through the door and I started telling him about how awful the past few hours had been, I burst into tears. Addie saw my breakdown and timidly came over to me, put her face in mine and softly said, "Hi, Mommy." Super cute, but still the tears kept coming. Once our girl was in bed, my hubby was able to give me some good comfort and lots of reassuring words. I went to bed early with a bowl of ice cream and a lot of time to think.

For the past several weeks, we have been flooded with family. We were surrounded by loved ones who adore Addie and soak up much of her time and energy when we are all together. In turn, this gave me the opportunity to have a nice, solid break. I was not the only one responsible for Addie's entertainment or well-being. I was not the only person available to make sure we all ate three meals a day. I got to relax and be lazy and I really really enjoyed it.

Then comes reality in all of its loveliness, marching through the front door. Game over. Back to being Mommy, the one and only. I knew it would be an adjustment for myself and my girl to return to just the two of us every day. I thought it would be harder on her but I think it's safe to say I was wrong.

This week has certainly been one of getting back to normal and hopefully today I have found it. In my secret pouting this week I have managed to become queen of my own pity party, thinking after only a few days that I already need a break. But the morning after a large bowl of mint cookie crunch ice cream, I see things in a different light.

My reality actually is quite lovely. I have a loving and supportive husband who works really hard to ensure that we are provided for and that I can stay home with our incredible daughter. Ah... my daugher. Whatever lies ahead as we approach the "terrible twos," at least I get to be there to see her in all her tantrum glory (which, in the right perspective, is actually quite amusing). As a good friend and SAHM once told me: when you stay home with your kids, they see the best of you and the worst and they know you better than anyone. I believe the same is true in reverse as well. Sometimes it feels like we are in an abundance of ugliness, but it always always ends, and the flip side of that is filled with moments that can never be replaced and beauty that I will never forget.  

So thank you Addie, for teaching me that breaks are good, but life really is better. Even when it's hard and even when we stumble, it really is better. Especially when there's ice cream.


Jamie said...

I can totally relate on all levels! At least we know we're not alone in this...

sara said...

Thank you, Jamie. I always get nervous with posts like these--I don't want to be too raw or sound like I'm complaining. It's so nice to feel supported from other Moms who get it!