Pages

Mommy evolution

Ever since I finished that last hat on the morning of Christmas Eve, I have been on a crafting haitus. There are many projects to work on, with mounds of yarn and piles fabric to choose from, but for some reason I cannot get motivated. In this little break, I have had some time to reflect on my motivation for crafting and how this has changed over the years.

I used to be completely anti-crafting and decorating. I sat on our couch while my roommates in college filled our apartment with Christmas cheer. Post-college, I had friends with crafting tables who made wreaths to hang on their front doors and created beautiful scrapbooks for every trip, event and occasion. Many of these women were already married, but a few were not. I always thought it was nice, but I had no desire to partake in any of these sorts of activities. Instead, I watched Sex & the City and related with nearly every fiber of my being to what Carrie Bradshaw felt and experienced as a single woman. My, how things have changed.

About a month ago, I caught an old episode when I was up late for whatever reason (probably knitting). I can't remember the theme of that particular show, but I sat there feeling completely disconnected to what was going on. Not only could I not relate to what was happening, but at one point I actually remember thinking, "Screw you, Carrie!"

GASP!!! Blasphemy!!!

What has happened to me? If I stop and think about the me I was ten years ago, I know that I would not recognize who I am today. I loved going out, dancing, flirting, drinking, buying shoes and eating at restaurants I couldn't afford... And now?

Most of the drinking we do is at home and consists of cheap wine, not cosmos. All my best moves are showcased in Addie's room when we have family dance parties in the evening just before bed. A nice restaurant is a once-in-a-while kind of thing. I do nearly all of my flirting with babies Addie and I run into while we're out, and not nearly enough with my husband. It has been years since I've spent more than $40 on a pair of shoes because quite frankly, I'd rather spend the money on yarn.

The road between these two places (the ten years ago me and the me of today) has many, many stories. If I really stop and think, it probably makes a lot of sense that I have come to where and who I am now. There was so much insecurity and heartache that eventualy led to settling into myself and a willingness to explore parts of my identity that I tried to suffocate.

Dating party girl has morphed into knitting stay-at-home-mom. I am now officially one of those women that the sirens from Sex & the City roll their eyes at and become nauseated over. It makes me sad for a second, but really, it's OK. Whenever I have a moment of nostalgia and I miss my freedom as a single gal, I can just pop in a DVD or watch a little late night TBS and remember that while it was fun, those in fact, were not my glory days. Not at all. I know that just because I'm not living on the edge anymore doesn't mean I've lost my edge.

Today I can rest assured that I have even stronger friendships, a closer family, a stable and happy marriage, a beautiful daugher and a me that is secure enough to appreciate every bit of it. All of my old fears and preconceptions about staying home, taking care of my family, cooking, cleaning, and crafting as much or as little as I want are definitely out the window. Tonight, this still sassy 29 year-old mama will enjoy a little OAR on Addie'e playlist, some snuggling with my hubby by the fire, perhaps some yummy take-out and dusting off my needles to cast on something new.

No comments: