The devil in my mailbox

What is so different about this pile of mail, you ask? It's not the bills or the pre-approved credit card solicitations... Oh, no. It is what is lurking at the bottom of the pile. That's right--it's the 2010 Victoria's Secret swimsuit catalog.

Now I have nothing against all of those rail thin models who have never birthed a child from their narrow little hips. And I adore my friends who have had children and somehow managed to transform their bodies back into Demi Moore-esque bikini ready figures. If you've got it, go ahead and flaunt it. More power to you and your rock hard abs.

Having said all that, why in the hell am I still getting this catalog? I haven't adorned any of those overpriced, barely there, damn near showing half my butt and my boobs garments since my honeymoon. In fact, I believe the last interaction I had with dear old Vicki's was when I was pregnant with Addie. It was around Valentine's Day, 2008 and my customer comment email went a little something like this:

To Whom It May Concern;

I have been a very loyal customer of Victoria's Secret for about ten years now. I am currently midway through my first pregnancy and have discovered a major gap in your product line. Given the amount of sexy lingere your company distributes and the blatant lack of birth control advertisements along with them, one would assume that your current products could lead to pregnancy. Once this outcome is achieved, women the world over do not suddenly lose the desire to feel and look sexy. In fact, pregnancy is the time when we need the most help in this area. I am very disappointed to see that there is a complete lack of maternity undergarments, sleepwear and lingere amongst your vast catalog, online or otherwise. You are leaving this group of women out in the cold for nine long months, not to mention losing all possible revenue during that time. I certainly hope that in the future you will reevaluate this lapse in product availability, value your customers while they are pregnant and include maternity wear in your line. Thank you for your time.

I suppose I should have added: Until then, save the postage and trees and keep your dirty catalog out of my mailbox! Next time...


Kerry said...

Oh my goodness are you ever funny Sara! I love it!

Ginny said...

I have yet to find the swimsuit that looks good on my body after four babies. There is no way to make this whole my stomach sticks out farther than my boobs thing look good. Okay, no natural way.
I want one of those loose long sleeved swimming shirts for those who can't bear the sun.

Whirliegig said...

You're a riot! Much mommy love!

sara said...

Thanks, ladies! The funniest thing of all is that my husband somehow thinks I could still wear that stuff and begs me to order this swimsuit, or that one. I tell you, he should have given up alcohol for Lent--He's lost his mind!!!