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Panicking ahead of schedule

My husband spent two nights on the phone with our internet service providers and yesterday, the problem was finally solved. Turns out, it wasn't Windows 7 after all. A technician came out to fix the outside problem, my computer samurai man fixed the inside problem, and voila! Super speedy internet is mine once again. Oh, how I've missed it! Today I was able to catch up on all of my favorite blogs in a matter of minutes. Minutes! The last week or so it took me at least an hour just to upload the words--many of the pictures I had to do without. I'm in heaven.

So, what have I been up to these last few days? I did a little resting, some reading, lots of snuggling, knitting and of course, watching the only human being who manages to look adorable in a speed skating uniform glide around the icy oval a few times. I also managed to (gasp) cook! I made what Curt called, "Possibly the best chili I've ever had." last night. I won't tempt you good Catholics out there who are abstaining from meat this Lenten Friday with the recipe. Nope, I will just wait until Monday to share my secrets.

Those were the bright spots. I have also had some rough moments that pushed me to and over my emotional edge. Yesterday Addie decided to declare war with Mommy and I was a little bit beaten up throughout the day. It is definitely time for us to create a solid "time out" corner for this girl. I thought we could avoid it for a bit longer, but no dice.

Having my hair pulled many times (for some reason, this Addie assault method leaves me so much more upset than hitting or anything else) led me to a sort of melt down in the way of: Oh dear Lord, we are having another baby. What were we thinking? Life is going to be so much harder. Will I ever leave the house again? Can I really do this? I'm so scared.

While I am beyond the heavy tears portion of my freaking out, I don't think I'm quite over it yet. I'm sure every parent goes through this when bringing another life into the fold, right? Hormones? Maybe. Reality starting to set in? Likely. Cabin fever? Definitely.

I don't remember feeling this way when we were expecting Addie. I think it was all visions of cute baby toes and smells, giggles and smiles. I knew we could handle one... but two? That seems like a whole new ball game. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. We have six more months before we will be forced to find out. Can we do it? I suppose that is where faith and trust enter into the picture. Faith and trust. Yes. Ready or not, family of four, here we come.

4 comments:

Den Br├Ąckliga said...

Of course you can do it!
It's not twice as hard to have two kids, I promise you. It's two to look after, right- and two to fight with, but the real change was when you got your first child. Believe me, I often wonder why you don't get your second child first ;-)
I know you'll be a great family of four!
Have a nice weekend,
love from a very cold Sweden

sara said...

Thank you, Lotta, for your encouraging words! I need to hear from moms of 2+ kids who do it well and who manage to stay chic and fun in the meantime. ;)
Stay warm!!!

Kerry said...

Oh, I had such a hard time when I was pregnant with my second. My son was almost 3, we were wanting and trying to get pregnant and it happened pretty much right away (took longer the first time), I knew what I was doing... no problem right?! Then, all of a sudden, I found myself, 10 weeks in, doubting my decision. Being a family of 3 was good. We had our rotines established, we had time together, one-on-one time with Henry, and time to ourselves. What was throwing a 4th into the mix going to do to all of that? And how could I possibly have enough love for another wheh I already loved #1 so much it hurt?! Pregnancy hormones are a crazy thing! Now, 1 year into life with 2 I can say a few things... it is good. It is busy, but it is very, very good. I can't imagine us not being 4! It will be good for you too! (Not every moment, but overall... just like the first time!)

sara said...

Oh Kerry, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It's so nice to know I'm not alone in my fears. I am confident we have made the right decision to expand our family and I know it will all work out, but you are right... Those darn hormones will get you every time!!! Love to you and your loves.