A slow return

When I wrote my last post sharing that our Lena finally came into the world and completed a piece of our family's puzzle, I had no idea how long of a break I would take from this space. I knew I needed time to settle into being a mother of two, but that may take months or even years. I have been overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions, the most profound being fear, about what it would look like to stay home alone with a two-year-old and a newborn.

Tears upon tears have flowed at the thought of all my support leaving me and having to figure it out all on my own. Will I be able to give Addie all of the attention she needs? How can I make sure Lena gets all of the snuggles and affection that a new baby needs? Will I ever feel confident leaving the house and taking these girls on outings by myself? How can I continue to do the things that are important to me and my survival as a stay-at-home-mom (like writing this blog)? Will I ever knit again?

So many questions and worries, yet each day and many times, each moment I am filled up with a sort of comfort that only a new baby can give. Her warmth, her smell, her tiny body nestled into my chest... Her big sister showering her with the love that I dreamed and wished and prayed would be there. My, how we're blessed!

In all of this amazing transition, I have to keep reminding myself that as Lena and Addie grow and learn how to be in this world, so too am I. As a new mommy of two, the best thing I can do is sit back, let go and allow them to be my guide. We'll get there. I might not get to post a blog every day and the sweater I started knitting for Lena may one day only grace the body of one of her dolls, but little by little I will discover how to nurture my babes and in turn, nurture myself.

Along the way, I get to drink in the best of the very best--our family. These little lives that just weeks and years ago were a dream to Curt and I.  Nothing in this world could be sweeter.


Us said...

Glad to hear your "voice" again! I often think and pray for you and the transition that a new one brings. I look forward to reading your blog when you're able to write! I'll be going through the same thing in 8 weeks.

Your little Lena is adorable! Keep more pics coming. Love you friend!!!

mary said...

Great post *sniff* and adorable pictures. I am very confident in your ability to figure out this multiple motherhood thing. You'll be amazing!

Kerry said...

Beautiful words, beautiful family! Keep on taking care of yourself Mama!

sara said...

Thank you, friends! Some days are good, and well... you know about those other days. :) Always fantastic to hear from other mamas and feel the love. **hugs**