{FPA} February 11: I love...

...feeling tired. That may sound a bit strange, but after the last few months of not being able to feel exhausted in and of itself, it feels so good to be tired. That's all, just tired. Not tired and anxious and overwhelmed and scared. Just tired. Not tired and pissed off and irritated and worried. Nope, just tired. I love it.

Today we planned to play with friends in the morning and it fell through. I was sad, but we will reschedule and make time for us and our babes soon. We also had plans to attend a Valentine's Day party in the afternoon with a new group. I was nervous about the commitment at first, but another very sweet friend has been patiently inviting me to hang out with this bunch of mamas and their kiddo's for quite some time. So finally I agreed. Deep breath.

During Addie's nap (notice how it was only her nap--enter many Lena poo incidents mentioned in earlier post) I remembered I needed to have more blood drawn for a check-in with my Endocrinologist next week. Uh-oh. Two stops in one outing with both the kids? Could I do it? Another deep breath. Prayers. Yes.

So after Addie woke up, I packed up both the girls, gave Miss. Addie a good pep talk about seeing Mommy have her blood drops taken out to make sure I'm OK, and we were off. (There may have been a bribe for gum thrown in there as well... I'll never tell.) One step at a time, we made it into the diagnostic center to have my blood drops taken out. Not a tear was shed--success!

Then off to the party. I was surprised to find that I wasn't anxious at all. What would have typically sent my nerves up to the ceiling in the last few months actually left me feeling comforted--I was with other moms who have kids that cry, get into trouble, say silly things, play loudly and make messes. It was great. We stayed longer than we probably should have, but it was delightful. Addie was nervous at first, but ended up having a marvelous time prancing around in high heels and clip-on earrings. Success X's 2!!!

Curt had to work late so we came home to a quiet house and step-by-step I made it through the nighttime routines. Once again, normally this would have been a rough hill to climb alone. Tonight, it was no sweat. Step-by-step, one pair of pajamas at a time, we got there. I didn't feel my blood pressure rise once. Wow. A hat trick, my friends.

Here I am, at the end of a full day, feeling like I can barely keep my eyes open, tired to the bone. And I am smiling. I don't like to get my hopes up after I have a good day. It's easy to think--oh, this was a good one so I must be all better. Then if things come crashing down around me the next afternoon I feel like a failure. So I've come to accept that it's one day at a time. Yes, we've had a string of pretty good days in a row and my anxiety seems to be decreasing. Hopefully the blood drops will show that my levels are evening out (fingers and toes crossed). Even if they aren't, that's OK. We are making it, one day at a time.

My prayer this evening is gratitude for good friends. Friends who challenge me and see things I need that I don't see myself, who understand and don't need explanations, who make sure we accept help even when we're in denial and think we're OK on our own, who listen and give their support from a distance. We wouldn't have made it these last few months without them. Thankful doesn't even cover it.

What prayer do you have this February night?

Here's how it works: Leave a prayer request in the comments on Friday's posts. It can be anything--something you are thankful for, a friend you are worried about, a desire from your heart... Anything. By leaving a comment you are also committing to pray for others who comment as well. We'll start fresh each week. That's it. You can even be anonymous if you wish.


lee Zuhars said...

Sara, sorry this is a little late. I ask that you pray for me. I am not going to go into great detail--just need you to pray. Nothing really horrible is happening and there's no impending doom on the horizon. I am just feeling very heavy-hearted for friends and family and myself right now. Love you.

Vicki said...

I read your post and have tears. I remember how hard 1 + 1 was. I was good with my first and then, I found a way to make the difficult balance of 2 an impossibility. Then I looked around and saw, we're managing well. Mine are older, but, we're doing ok. Challenges yes. Balance off, yes. But one breath, one step, one eyelash at a time, we've found a little groove.
You connected me to deep gratitude and I'm very thankful.