slowing down

Man, Friday was a rough day. When I look back at that post, just three days ago, it hurts my heart. It was the climax of a difficult week, with me in tears for most of the afternoon. That evening, I went out to pick up some pizza and called my mom on the way, desperate for some advice and validation. She listened and consoled the way all the best moms do. She told me she remembered feeling the same way I did and that it does get easier. Amazing how a 15 minute phone conversation can soothe the soul and calm the nerves. Thanks, Mom. And thanks to everyone who offered words of support and encouragement, and prayers. They were much needed and deeply felt.

We decided to do our best over the weekend to shake the previous five days off our backs. Saturday Curt and I strategized to divide and conquer, so I took Addie to our favorite place down the road to find our Christmas tree. She loved weaving in and out of the tall evergreens and I loved drinking in that gorgeous smell.

Finally we found "the one" and hauled it home to make its way into our living room. Welcome to our family, dear tree. O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum...

Now that our house is decorated for Christmas, there is a warmth and a calm that has taken over like magic, as it does each year. The drama and craziness of life with an infant and a two-year-old is still very real, but it's smoother around the edges with garlands, nutcrackers and nativities surrounding us.

As we move closer toward the most wonderful time of the year, that has also become the busiest, I must pause for a moment and evaluate how I spend my days. Until this wretched headache issue is resolved, and in order to survive and avoid meltdowns like the one I had on Friday, I am going to have to let a few things go. Just typing that now gives me a little anxiety, as I try to keep things around us just so. But it's the just so things that are slowly eating away at my sanity and tearing me down, one messy floor, dirty load of laundry, unwritten blog and unbathed child at a time.

Yes, unfortunately this space has added to my stress level as of late, being that I feel guilty when I don't have or take the time to write. So please bear with me as I feel my way through the next couple of weeks. I'll still be around and most definitely I'll be here for the Friday pray alongs, I just won't make it every day. My hope is that the time I can spend with you here, however limited, will find me a more refreshed and optimistic mama.

And now a rousing babe is calling me from her swing, so I'm off to steal some snuggles. See you soon...


Dennis said...

Oh my goodness! I remember taking a certain 2 yr old out to a tree farm near West Salem, Wisconsin in a Pinto Station Wagon. It was "colder than a well-diggers ass in the Klondike" about 10f and a foot of snow I think we waked 3 trees into the farm and you said, "That one! I'm cold." Then we had to drive the 30 minutes home with the tailgate open because the tree was too big. The heat was on full blast and you said, "I'm cold daddy." Merde'!!! What's a dad to do?!?! But once we got it home into the house, and you were warm, you said, "Pretty tree. I love it!" Nuf said!

Us said...

I'm just entering this whole "two kid" thing. It's certainly not easy huh? At least you have an awesome Christmas tree!

Have you had an eye exam lately. Last year Omar made me go to the optometrist when I was getting headaches every day and it was something I hadn't considered. You've probably already thought about that, but you never know!

Love you friend...and don't feel the need to post something. If it's a burden, take a guilt free break! I certainly have as of late.