Au revoir, February

This is my last post in February. I hate to wish time away, but I can say with every fiber of my being that I am extremely happy for this month to be over!!!

Some things about February 2010 that I will not miss...
~ morning sickness that is really all freakin' day long sickness
~ gray skies, gray skies and more gray skies
~ surviving the longest head cold I have ever had in recent memory (without the aid of my beloved bourbon toddies)
~ hmm... lets think of a way to say this that won't embarass the crap out of my husband... you know what you don't feel like doing with your partner when you are really nautious and filling up trash can after trash can with snotty tissues? I won't miss not wanting to do that.

The thing I will miss most about February is, you guessed it, The Olympics. What will I do without my snowy sports fix? How will I make it another four years before I get to lose myself once again in chilly worldwide competition? I don't know. Pout.

On the bright side, March is on the horizon! Oh, the promise of a new month. Sadly, I think March is a highly overlooked 31 days--it seems to kind of fade into the background of memory. It's cold, but not too cold, usually rainy and not so snowy, saturated with the solemnity of Lent but there's also a big old party right in the middle of it. (Irish or not, don't we all pretend to be just for that one magical night of green beer that leads to talking like the Lucky Charms leprechaun?) Forgotten or not, at least there is the excitement of transitioning to a new season and all that it brings.

In March, I plan to...
~ dive back into my kitchen and put into practice the recipes from this book
~ travel with Addie to Omaha, NE and Glenwood, IA for a visit with my sisters and brother-in-law
~ feel my baby move in my tummy for the first time
~ get outside and stay there as soon as that temperature gets up to something more bearable
~ up my calorie intake (is there really anything better than having your Dr. tell you that you need to eat more? Yes, sir!!!)

What does the promise of spring bring up on your to-do list?

Beautiful story

I very rarely do this, but this morning my sister sent me the link to a blog post that has been haunting me all afternoon. This story has touched me deeply and left me in tears... Tears of joy, sadness, understanding and gratitude. I find myself frozen after reading Kelle's words and the story of the birth of her daughter. Really, I have nothing more that I can say today except to ask that you take some time to visit Enjoying the Small Things and read of a mother's journey that will surely leave a mark on your soul.

The devil in my mailbox

What is so different about this pile of mail, you ask? It's not the bills or the pre-approved credit card solicitations... Oh, no. It is what is lurking at the bottom of the pile. That's right--it's the 2010 Victoria's Secret swimsuit catalog.

Now I have nothing against all of those rail thin models who have never birthed a child from their narrow little hips. And I adore my friends who have had children and somehow managed to transform their bodies back into Demi Moore-esque bikini ready figures. If you've got it, go ahead and flaunt it. More power to you and your rock hard abs.

Having said all that, why in the hell am I still getting this catalog? I haven't adorned any of those overpriced, barely there, damn near showing half my butt and my boobs garments since my honeymoon. In fact, I believe the last interaction I had with dear old Vicki's was when I was pregnant with Addie. It was around Valentine's Day, 2008 and my customer comment email went a little something like this:

To Whom It May Concern;

I have been a very loyal customer of Victoria's Secret for about ten years now. I am currently midway through my first pregnancy and have discovered a major gap in your product line. Given the amount of sexy lingere your company distributes and the blatant lack of birth control advertisements along with them, one would assume that your current products could lead to pregnancy. Once this outcome is achieved, women the world over do not suddenly lose the desire to feel and look sexy. In fact, pregnancy is the time when we need the most help in this area. I am very disappointed to see that there is a complete lack of maternity undergarments, sleepwear and lingere amongst your vast catalog, online or otherwise. You are leaving this group of women out in the cold for nine long months, not to mention losing all possible revenue during that time. I certainly hope that in the future you will reevaluate this lapse in product availability, value your customers while they are pregnant and include maternity wear in your line. Thank you for your time.

I suppose I should have added: Until then, save the postage and trees and keep your dirty catalog out of my mailbox! Next time...

I bet you thought I forgot

It has been quite a while since I talked about starting my first quilting project. I was all gung ho ready to jump right in and stitch that baby right up. Wellll.... As it turns out, I hit a bit of a snag. Starting a new craft project definitely teaches you things about yourself. One thing I have recently learned: I am the slowest fabric cutter on the planet Earth. Really, I am.

I think I am still stuck on Week 2 of the project and right now it is Week 5. Oops. But as the instructions say, quilting is supposed to be fun and relaxing, not a source of stress. In the spirit of embracing this concept, I am taking my time. Who cares if it takes me an entire month to cut out 100 squares and 100 rectangles? (By the way, it took me almost two hours just to do 40.)

My Olympics obsession is likely not helping the situation, but I will get there... probably not until after the closing ceremonies.

Chili that Curt likes

It may not seem like a big deal that the chili I made last week was one of my husband's favorites. Let me tell you, though--it is. I have made this hearty comfort food many times in the past and it has never solicited much more than an, "It's OK." from my dear love. With this version, he devoured bowl after bowl and sang my praises days later.

This presented a small problem over the weekend when I thought about having some leftovers myself and taking a picture for this post. I opened the large container in the fridge only to find this...
Really? He ate about three bowls worth in one afternoon, leaving only a few bites behind! Amazing. So even though this picture is not the most appetizing thing in the world, I am excited to share my recipe for what is apparently Curt's new favorite chili. No secrets, no surprises... pretty basic. Go figure.

1 TBS olive oil
1 onion, diced
1 TBS minced garlic
1/2 green pepper, diced
1/2 red pepper, diced
1 lb. lean ground beef
2 cans petite diced tomatoes
1 can petite diced tomatoes with chipotle
1 can chili beans in medium sauce
1 can three bean blend (drained & rinsed)
1 TBS chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes (less if you don't like a lot of heat)
salt & pepper to taste
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

In a large pot, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Add onion and saute until slightly soft, then put in the peppers and garlic and saute for a few minutes more. Add the ground beef, breaking it into small pieces and cook until no longer pink.

Next, pour in all of the canned ingredients. (I didn't drain anything except for the three bean blend. Normally I drain and rinse all beans in recipes, but the sauce from the chili beans gave the dish a bit of smokey flavor that was worth it. Feel free to drain all your beans if you wish.)

Add the spices and remember to taste as you go. (All of my spice measurements are approximate. I am a habitual "palm full" measurer. 1 TBS = one full palm of spice and 1 tsp = 1/2 palm.)
Stir well and reduce heat to a simmer. Stir occasionally until ready to eat. (I let it sit on the stove for about 2 hours before we had dinner and the flavors were well combined.)
Top with shredded cheddar cheese.

This took about 20 minutes or so to put together and it was well worth my minimal effort. Perfect for these last really cold days of February!

Panicking ahead of schedule

My husband spent two nights on the phone with our internet service providers and yesterday, the problem was finally solved. Turns out, it wasn't Windows 7 after all. A technician came out to fix the outside problem, my computer samurai man fixed the inside problem, and voila! Super speedy internet is mine once again. Oh, how I've missed it! Today I was able to catch up on all of my favorite blogs in a matter of minutes. Minutes! The last week or so it took me at least an hour just to upload the words--many of the pictures I had to do without. I'm in heaven.

So, what have I been up to these last few days? I did a little resting, some reading, lots of snuggling, knitting and of course, watching the only human being who manages to look adorable in a speed skating uniform glide around the icy oval a few times. I also managed to (gasp) cook! I made what Curt called, "Possibly the best chili I've ever had." last night. I won't tempt you good Catholics out there who are abstaining from meat this Lenten Friday with the recipe. Nope, I will just wait until Monday to share my secrets.

Those were the bright spots. I have also had some rough moments that pushed me to and over my emotional edge. Yesterday Addie decided to declare war with Mommy and I was a little bit beaten up throughout the day. It is definitely time for us to create a solid "time out" corner for this girl. I thought we could avoid it for a bit longer, but no dice.

Having my hair pulled many times (for some reason, this Addie assault method leaves me so much more upset than hitting or anything else) led me to a sort of melt down in the way of: Oh dear Lord, we are having another baby. What were we thinking? Life is going to be so much harder. Will I ever leave the house again? Can I really do this? I'm so scared.

While I am beyond the heavy tears portion of my freaking out, I don't think I'm quite over it yet. I'm sure every parent goes through this when bringing another life into the fold, right? Hormones? Maybe. Reality starting to set in? Likely. Cabin fever? Definitely.

I don't remember feeling this way when we were expecting Addie. I think it was all visions of cute baby toes and smells, giggles and smiles. I knew we could handle one... but two? That seems like a whole new ball game. Maybe it is and maybe it isn't. We have six more months before we will be forced to find out. Can we do it? I suppose that is where faith and trust enter into the picture. Faith and trust. Yes. Ready or not, family of four, here we come.

It's a sign

Last night, after an attempt to upgrade our broadband service, our unsupported modem stopped working. My computer man could not salvage any sort of connection so we are sans Internet until the correct part arrives.

I am taking this as a sign that I should use the next few days to rest up, watch a ton of Olympic events and hopefully reach a full and final recovery from this icky illness. Be well this week and I will (fingers crossed) see you back here on Monday!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

One step forward, two steps back

Good news: morning sickness is slowly fading away. Now I can eat chicken and think about chicken without feeling like I am about to become violently ill. I still can't cook it just yet, but that's what rotisserie chickens are for, right? Hopefully, in another week or so, I should be back to normal... whatever that means.

Bad news: this dreaded cold/bug/most unwanted guest ever is refusing to relent. We thought we were pretty much over it and then yesterday it came back in a nasty way. The funny thing is that Addie seems to be unscathed for now. Curt and I are walking around sniffling and coughing and looking like zombies in general while Addie is wreaking all sorts of havoc... Oh, is that yogurt smeared on my curtains? Yes. Yes it is.

In the meantime, here are some moments of Valentines Day ventures...

This is what happens when Daddy lets Miss. Curious play with a tub of Eucerin without completely paying attention.

And this is what happens when Mommy lets the frosting queen decorate cookies while paying complete attention... Interestingly enough, it's much of the same result.

Sure, this Valentines Day was a little different that those of years past. It's a whole new scene to put together something special for a 22 month-old rather than putting on our sexy best and heading out for a nice dinner. But really, what five star restaurant serves heart shaped cookies with pink icing and red sugar sprinkles? That's right. I think we'll stick with what we've got!

Valentines Day Eve

What should one do while waiting for the big Apolo 1500M speed skating race the night before Valentines Day? Make a felt heart garland of course!

I love how it turned out and it was really quite easy and fast to put together. It also helped pass the time during lulls in Olympic coverage. On that note, isn't The Olympics fantastic?! It is the only thing that will allow me to break from my attempt to keep the TV off during much of the day. For two weeks we get to indulge in sporting events that would rarely receive any media coverage. Speed skating (my favorite), freestyle skiing, the ski jump--you name it, we watch it. With fresh snow falling outside, it adds to the spirit much like a white Christmas. Go USA!!!

The art of letting go, aka: edible finger painting

Isn't it amazing how a child has the strangest ability to be the cutest and most adorable being you have ever known, and then moments later can be the most horrifying and unbearable individual you have ever encountered? That was my day yesterday. Addie and I had so many ups and downs, I eventually stopped counting. First we started out with this super cute moment of her wearing my tennis shoes....
Only to discover moments later that she tracked dirt from these shoes all over the floor that I had just cleaned the day before. Sigh.

We had a fight about clipping her finger and toe nails that was pretty intense and involved restraint at some point. I had food thrown at me during lunch and Little Miss. took a nap that was so short I really don't know if she even slept. I decided to break up our nasty day with a little bit of forced fun. My mom gave me a kit to make edible finger paint for Christmas, and it was time to break out the vanilla pudding and food coloring.

Surprisingly, this activity went extremely well and was the highlight of a day I would otherwise rather have forgotten. It took Addie a while to get the hang of it--first she needed a spoon to eat the pudding. Then after I showed her that it was OK to put her fingers in it and make a mess, she started to loosen up and enjoy the process. (Man this girl is way too much like me!)

Clean up afterwards was a breeze and we hung her masterpiece in the back door to act as a sort of stained glass and to welcome Daddy when he came home. Nevermind the four attempts it took to get this girl to eat any dinner and the afternoon I spent cleaning snot smears off the couch. Will I remember those moments ten years from now? Maybe, but probably not. The finger painting, however? Yes, I believe that one will stick.

Taking a step toward balance

One of my absolute favorite things to do is blog surfing. Some days I can't find the time, but others send me into a whirlwind of clicking and linking and discovering beautiful places that inspire me and give me comfort. Today is one of those great days where I have found several new resting spots. Nicola at which name? is just one of such places and I encourage you to visit her and read all she has to share.

In one post she discusses setting a new goal each month, a step toward balance, in an effort to achieve better balance in your life. Oh how this speaks to me today!!! I have not felt well in six weeks and that is really wearing me down. I have found it difficult to spend much time in the kitchen, which is not just the heart of the household, but part of the heart of me. I think at times I have been fighting a little bit of depression and I need to find some light!!!

In order to discover the joy behind these struggles that is a new life growing inside me, my step for this month is to spend at least five minutes each day in silence connecting to my growing baby. Whether this is journaling, sitting silently with my hand on my swelling belly, meditating to potential birth music, or creating a piece of birth art, I need to begin devoting time to this new little one. I need to remember why I am going through the roughness of a first trimester. I need to be reminded that I am housing a miracle.

I can't wait to see where this step will lead, and those in the months to follow! Balance with gentleness... What a great year.

Under the weather

Starting last Thursday, our household has experienced a progression of illness that seems to have come to a head. What started out as harmless sniffles and a runny nose has turned into a croupy cough that could rattle even the most hardened of hearts. Addie awoke with such wheezing and barking that Curt brought her into bed this morning with a resounding, "She needs to go to the Dr." I told him as I have many times before that they won't see her unless she is running a fever. She isn't. He grumbled something to himself and promptly went back to sleep while Addie and I snuggled and her coughs quickly subsided.

That's her story. Mine is that yesterday in the early morning I woke up at about 4:30 AM with a throat so sore, I couldn't get back to sleep for over an hour. I swallowed my I don't like to take meds while I'm pregnant pride and took some Tylenol Sinus to make it through the day. It helped, but I woke up with the same condition this morning, took more drugs and caught a few more winks.

To be totally honest, I will admit that I have been uber cranky amidst the yuck and the piles of tissues. Just when I thought I was getting over the morning sickness, this icky cold creeps in and I'm still on the fritz. Can't I catch a freakin' break?!?!

Well, that was last night. Today is a new day. To preserve my sanity (and that of my husband's, for that matter) I will attempt to wipe my nose and Addie's with a shifted disposition. Becuase when I pay attention, we are surrounded by things to be thankful for...

Although chicken has been my biggest food aversion in pregnancy, piping hot chicken noodle soup with a ton of crackers has been my lunch two days in a row and it tastes oh so good.
Sometimes the body just knows what it needs.

In an effort to keep all things on my throat either super hot or really cold, I decided I needed fresh from the oven muffins for breakfast. With cold butter on top, they were tasty delish and picked me up for a morning playing with my babe.

And what would 27 degrees outside be without this beautiful sight inside? Really, in the dead of winter there is nothing better than an active fireplace. In front of this heaven is where I will spend the rest of the day, snuggling, knitting, reading, resting, drinking hot tea and working on getting better.

Stay warm, stay well...

Back on the needles

January provided much needed rest away from the crazy knitting frenzy I found myself in before Christmas. Now, with February much underway, I am ready to jump back into the rhythm that I didn't realize I missed. I have quite a few projects that I hope to complete this year, one of which is a baby blanket for this little one growing in my belly.

But first, another hat! A precious baby girl just turned one and she needs a warm organic cotton hat with a big pink grosgrain bow... With 60 stitches cast on and my fingers slowly remembering the backwards and forwards motion of the yarn that is ribbing, I am on my way!

p.s. Our new operating system seems to be cooporating a bit more easily today, thank goodness! Still quite slow and not used to the newness of it all, but will get there. Thanks for bearing with me!!!

Not my idea

This afternoon finds me frustrated while using the newly installed Windows 7 on our PC. I was told by the great love of my life that this was, "so much faster, honey". Really? Huh.

I usually spend my first free stolen moments during Addie's nap reading my list of favorite blogs. With many clicks and "open in new tabs" I can easily stroll through my inspirations and get all caught up in about 20 minutes. Not today. Today my impatience culminated with wanting to beat my head on the keyboard as I thought, "I just want to see how Amanda's tomten turned out!!!!"

Perhaps this is just a fluke. Maybe the entire world really is turning to the interwebs to watch or re-watch all of the commercials from last night's game. Or maybe this was a really bad idea. I must wait for my love to come home tonight, play around on here and let me know. I will keep you posted.

Hazy day

Beginning at about 2 AM this morning, it has been "one of those days". We had too much fun last night letting Addie stay up late and we paid for it when she was up for 2+ hours last night, wide awake. She let us sleep in a bit, but man oh man, I am tired today! I feel like I've taken cold medicine and am looking at the world through a slight fog. Such is early pregnancy along with lack of sleep. Yuck.

My silver lining is the memories of our craft time yesterday afternoon. I started with putting ribbon and some trickier stickers on the front of some pretty card stock. When Addie got up from her nap, we twisted her arm and got her to color and sticker up some Valentine cards of her very own. I doubt we will end up making as many as I thought, but I can always just save them for next year.

I think we will keep working on this project throughout the next week, squeezing in creative pockets of time between puzzles, reading and pretend shopping. I love that we are on our crafty way. Hopefully this is only the beginning!


I was looking through my recent posts and realized that lately I have been doing a lot more writing and a lot less picture-taking. Today, I decided to remedy that. Over the past few weeks our darling girl has grown a bit of an attitude. While it terrifies me for her real tween years, the practice she is trying out now is pretty darn hilarious!

Example: This week she has been referring to me as, "Mom". Not Mommy, just Mom. What!!! Listen up, little girl. Until you are 10 or maybe even older, I am your Mommy! Not so, she says. "Hey, Mom. Thank you, Mom. No, Mom." Oh good heavens.

Here are a few moments that I captured at dinner last night. What a range of emotion in just a few minutes! Gotta love this girl...

My favorite--the eye roll that she has perfected far too swiftly.
Really, just pray for me.

Figuring it out

When it comes to how I handle big things in my life, my attitude has mostly been to trust my gut, jump in and figure it out as I go along and when I get there. While I do consider myself a planner, with new challenges and roles I have taken on, I have never sat around to try and determine my expectations or philosophies prior to moving forward. I would much rather have a taste of what my new adventure will be like and then work on processing how I feel about it. I have found this to be especially true when it came to how I would be as a mother.

I suppose I had the idea that once I had children, I would still want to work outside the home and try to "do it all". I didn't spend much time thinking about what our (myself and my husband's) day-to-day life would be like once we expanded beyond the two of us. How could I really have known until we had kids?

Well now I know. As it turns out, I am happier than I've ever been having left the outside working world and chosing to stay home with our babe. When we made that decision, I don't think I had any idea what was in store for me. I thought I was giving up a huge part of myself in order to allow Addie to grow up and be nurtured my her mother in her home environment. What I didn't know is that I embarked on a road to self-discovery that has brought me to this point: asking questions, thirsting for knowledge and wondering where it all will lead.

In looking at what we feel is really important and where our priorities lie, I'm left with trying to figure out what that means, how it fits into our lives and how we raise a family. Some things came very naturally, such as passing on our faith. We go to mass, we pray as a family, we have books that help to teach Addie what we belive. So far, so good. In other areas, I feel like I am light years behind in determing how to put ideas into action. Here are just a few examples of my mind-wanderings...

I want to encourage Addie to be creative and explore her environment. How do I do that? What craft supplies do I need to begin? Where do I find instructions for age-appropriate activities that we can do together?

I want us to have healthy meals and eat foods that are as pure as possible. Where is the best place to find these foods and how in the hell can I grow some of them? Can I really make bread and spend enough time in the kitchen and garden to reach these goals with a 22-month-old on the loose and a twelve-week-old baby inside me?

I want to make the most of the space we live in and surround us with meaningful objects that aren't new, but new to us. Does this mean thrifting? Where do I do that? How do I do that?

I am someone who feels so very new to the world of handmades, living organically, repurposing objects and incorporating these things into our home. It feels like the right path to be on. I have so much to learn and some bad habits to break. I am incredibly grateful for the world of blogging moms, who without even knowing it are encouraging me and teaching me every day. (If you haven't yet taken the opportunity to check out the blogs I link to on the right, spend just a few minutes exploring. I do every day and love what I find!)

While I am searching for the answers to these questions, I don't think it's helpful to remain frozen in my fear and lack of understanding. I am going to take a deep breath, start small, build from what we have and learn as I go.

Attacking the crafting dilemma...
Step 1: buy some felt, card stock and glue sticks.
Step 2: sit down with Addie and make stuff with it.

Airing out the heirlooms

Aahhh, February. It seems that this month brings along a little anxiety for warmer weather and change. Since we have been spending a lot of time indoors lately, I wanted to brighten up our space a bit. I have been looking for a tablecloth to go on our breakfast nook table that would point us in the direction of spring without actually going there prematurely.

I looked on Etsy for some vintage tablecloths and didn't come up with anything I loved. Then, I remembered that I received some heirloom linens as a wedding present from my mom and Sweetie. At first I was a little hesitant about releasing them from their safety in the drawer of our china cabinet. When I pulled this square embroidered linen out of its hiding spot, I got over that pretty quickly.

Laying on top of a simple cotton tablecloth, this gave our nook all of the wintery brightness I needed. When Curt came home and saw it, he said, "Isn't this an heirloom? Is it really smart to use it in here where Addie eats too?" I asked myself the same things earlier that day, and my response was a resounding, "Yes!"

I came to the philosophy that these items were not given to us to sit in a drawer for 25 years until Addie gets married and we then pass them to her. They were given to us to be used and loved. He noticed that there were a few stains and that made me feel even more strongly that we needed to add our own stains, glass marks and the like. This beautiful cloth that was given to my Sweetie as a wedding gift adorned their table and bears the scars of family dinners.

Really, what better way to pass onto our children that we also sat down as a family in the evening and shared meals together? We have an opportunity to continue the living proof that in our homes, there was delicious food and laughter mixed in with spills and tears, but always togetherness and lots of love. That is what makes an heirloom not just an old piece of linen, but a small slice of family history. Time for dinner--memories are served!  

Breaking the addiction

Alright, I am about to make a big time Mommy confession. Deep breath. Here goes...

Before I dive right in, here is a bit of back story. I have always been a background noise kind of person. I don't know if it's from the years I lived alone when the sound of silence just creeped me out, or if I don't feel like I'm busy enough if there isn't noise around me. Either way, it hasn't really been a problem until recently.

You see, with the nastiness that is morning sickness (that really lasts all day), I have spent a good portion of my afternoons nestled on the couch. Addie naps in the beginning of the afternoon, but as soon as she would get up, the nausea set in and became progressively worse throughout the evening. To help me cope and keep me distracted so I didn't end up vomiting, I have (gulp, here it is...) relied a bit too much on the television to get me through my days.

Addie and I don't necessarily watch TV during these hours, but it has been on. And through these last few weeks, I have noticed that it does grab our attention more than it should and it does detract from our "quality time" together. Truly, there was no way I would have been able to crawl around on the floor with her and interact with her in the way that I did pre-pregnancy. Thinking that it would only be temporary, Sesame Street and the like have been my secret saviors. When I have been worried that I would need to run to the toilet, I wanted Addie to be occupied so she wouldn't freak out at seeing me get sick. Thankfully that hasn't happened, although I came very close many times.

Last week, things began to take a turn for the better as far as how I felt. Even though I was up to moving around with my girl, I was deep into habit and used my TV crutch, creating very blah afternoons. The thing is, I wasn't aware of the blahness until I got a wake-up call this weekend, and that's when I realized I was in trouble. My sister brought my grandma (aka, Sweetie) down on Saturday so she could once again spend the week with us. They asked Addie, "What is your favorite toy?" She grabbed the remote for the TV. Crap.

OK, love. Message received. Time for a switch in routine and priorities. While I don't think I'm ready to give up noise altogether, I can change our choice of media to one that will be stimulating in a much healthier way. Pandora is set up through our Blu-ray player and we are keeping the sound flowing, but instead of maintaining zombie-esque states, the music gets us humming or up and moving around. Of course, our O.A.R. channel was an instant favorite and Mommy likes it too.

With a mom and a sister that have master's degrees in areas of early childhood development who assess babies through pre-school aged children every day, the guilt from this confession runs deep. Funny enough though, I talked to my mom about it and she told me not to worry--that Sesame Street taught me to read while she was pregnant with my sister, Kate. So I'm NOT the only one? Phew!

I have often wondered what people without televisions do with their time. Maybe one day I will get the courage to give it up completely and find out. Until then, my new goal is to keep the boob tube off unless there is something on that we REALLY want to watch. I am trying. Let the detox begin!