Just a moment: another step toward balance

Before I dive into what my step for March will be, I'll give a quick update on how February went. I don't know if it was the gradual decrease in morning sickness or if it was the deliberate effort to connect with my growing babe, but I can say that now I am feeling so much more excited about this pregnancy.

Taking just a few minutes to be still and aware of what is happening in my womb helped me refocus some of my frustration and turn it into gratitude and awe. In the next few weeks I should begin to feel some movement and I can't wait. Aside from my main goal of feeling more connected to this new life, I found that those moments of calm really did help to shift my energy and lift my mood. I can see this turning from five minutes into ten, into twenty and so on in the months to come!

Now, for March. I spent quite a while over the last few days thinking about what my goal for this month would be and my mind kept wandering back to a little incident on Friday evening. Addie was playing and running around the house when all of a sudden I heard her shouting, "Moon! Moon! Mommy, Moon!" (Yes, I have gone back to being called "Mommy" and that makes me really very happy.) I looked over and saw this scene at our kitchen window...

She was so enthralled by the brightness of the glowing circle against the night sky and, once she had my attention, just stood there staring. I had to grab the camera and capture this beautiful moment. And then, just like Keyser Soze, it was gone. Once she saw I was in picture mode, she refused to remain in the position I was trying to photograph and the sweetness turned into whines and begging to see herself in the digital display.

I became immediately frustrated and lost my serenity in the anger that I once again missed an incredible photo opportunity. As I reflected on this over the weekend, I realized something that is shifting into my March goal for achieving balance... I do this all the time. I frequently forget the beauty of a perfect moment and allow it to fade into the background behind surrounding frustrations and challenges.

Throughout my days I am subconsciously keeping a tally of all the hard parts. This way, when my husband comes home from work, I can relate every single really frustrating thing that happened with Addie. This way I can prove that I had to work hard too and my day was difficult too. She pulled my hair, she threw three fits, she kicked me while I tried to change her diaper, she tossed her food all over the floor...

Why do I forget the little wonders that add up to me loving her more every single day? How she spends more time positioning her crayon to hold it the exact way she wants to rather than focusing on coloring itself. The way she breathes when she's really concentrating on something. How she seems to remember more words to familiar books all the time and reads them outloud to me and her baby. That's the stuff I should cling to. Those are the moments I should be trying to remember.

So, there it is. My new goal: remember to capture the perfect moments. While we very rarely, if ever, have a perfect day, our days are filled with absolutely perfect moments. This month I want to find and savor at least one of those moments in each day. Hopefully I can capture them on film, but if not, that's OK. The most important thing is to not let these precious memories and the feelings that come along with them pass me by. What an incredible regret! Not in March 2010.

And I bet Curt will appreicate a shift in the stories of my time with Addie as well. This one's for you too, love!

Head on over to which name to see what Nicola and others are doing to find balance as well.


LeTonia said...

Well said, Friend.

sara said...

Thank you, my dear! Always good to hear from you. Even better to see your face, though. Soon, I hope! :)